Too much to say...

Things on my mind

2008-10-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile now.
But there is always this something on my mind.
I want to say it, speak it... but again, I don't know how to.
I would love to blog it... but yet again, I am too scare to do so.
Sorry to my reader should you find this rather puzzling.
I have to admit, I don't even know myself what I want to do.

I guess, to make things a bit clear, but just a bit...
is that.. there is something on my mind that's bothering me...
something I would like to say to someone but... should there be any consequences,
I don't think I am ready to face and deal with.
However, at the same time, the 'wanting to say it' is rather suffocating.

So... I think I am blogging like this, probably trying to let out some of the suffocation.

Sigh... sometimes I wonder whether I would just live through my life till the end of my days...
without ever doing anything about this 'thing' that's on my mind.
I know, this will be on me until I have done something about it~!
Sigh.... what should I do?

Another year went by...

2008-10-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

"Yup... another year..."
that was on my mind for the last week.
And then looking at this blog of mine...
wow... it has been a year since I last post.
"Yup... seriously.. another year.. already~!!!"

I was my birthday 2 days ago and I went for a very nice dinner tonight.
I can't really remember since when, but I would make sure I have this dinner for my birthday.
I would look forward to it every year this time to have this dinner.
Oh... mm... it may not be the same restaurants every year, but no matter where, they would definitely have something in common.
It is this "common ground" that I would look forward to.

Again, a lot has happened in this year.
Well... for those close to me would prob see this as a norm for my life.
However, overall, it has been a good year.
Although work has been extremely hectic and that unbelievably, I have been sick pretty much continuously for 4 months, still sick and still got no time to build up my immune system becoz of all the stress, I am still enjoying my work. (x_x" crazy eh?)
Life outside work has been pretty good too... not much to complain.
I do hope though, that the coming year would not be so busy.
I hope to be able to do the things I like to do.
And not just doing things I need to do.

Oh... mmm.. not very sure whether anyone is going to read this blog since I haven't post for so long.
But still, I would like to thank those who has texted me, called me, facebooked me or emailed me to wish me happy birthday.
Thank you God for giving all the friends around me. I am sure the coming year would be great as I would follow what you have got in place for me~!

Long time no type??

2007-10-23T04:36:00.000-07:00

hee... altho I dont think there would be a lot of readers...
but for those who have been coming back for new post...
please accept my sincere apology...
just have to way tooo busy... n_n"

my b'day it is yes'day...
hee... rather depressing... study was the only thing on the agenda...
in fact, datz the only thing on the agenda for the rest of the week...
friday is the 'big' day... haha.. exam time~!
but.. hee.... I realised that I must have done well with mking friend in the previous year~!
hee... the amount of sms, fone calls, emails and facebook msg...
it was great to know that I have md quite a few friends in the past year...
thank you God for bringing all these ppl into my life!~
thank you all those around me also of course!~
life would be sooooo different w/o all you guys~!

Thanks~!!! n_n*

still believe:
Friends are God's way of taking care of us.

Eventful...

2007-09-19T18:21:00.000-07:00

Wow.. its been a whole week since my last post...
Nothing to write... some may ask??
erm... not really... just once again... too much to say...
much as well not say...

last week was definitely a rollercoaster week...
up and down and up and down...
events after events...
as if it is a norm for one's life to be so 'dramatic'
-- a week full of truths... but also full of betrayals...
-- a week full of wounds... but full of healings also...

just a rather 'eventful' week...
*sigh*... whatever it is... its now gone and past~!!
happy times bring happy thoughts...happy thoughts bring happy times...
just open up the heart and God will always be here~!!!
wishing all who are stress be relaxed with happy thoughts...
wishing all who cannot sleep be able to sleep with happy thoughts...
wishing all who are in the middle of 'issues' be able to end with happy thoughts...

A champion is someone who gets up,even when he can't.

Just remember... God will never place you at something you cannot handle~!

Guardian Angels...

2007-09-13T16:46:00.000-07:00

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person..

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

...

Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Sorry ....

2007-09-13T03:24:00.000-07:00

Had a very long chat with CC...
erm... out of work hours...n_n"
went downstairs at the cafe and sat there from 3 to the end of day...
just talk and talk and talk...

"Should sorry be said?"
"Who should say it first?"

Often I am told...
"Don't say sorry... becoz u dint do anything wrong.."
"If you say sorry when u dint do anything wrong... you put urslf down and give the other person the power to take advantage of you..."
"no... don't say sorry... wait for the other person to act first~!!"

I would have responded... "but... but..."
and in my heart I say... " but I really do feel sorry...."

CC was great... she knew exactly what I meant...
Yes... I am sorry...
but No... I am not sorry for what I did or not done...
I am sorry for what the other person went through...
and especially when it is because of me... just me and not what I have done...

For those I have said sorry to....
I did mean my sorry...
For those I might say sorry to....
I will mean my sorry...
I know some may think I said it just for the sake of saying it...
but... I mean it...
As I would have gone through thousands of thoughts at the same time...
searching for a better way than saying sorry...
only if I can make things better....

As the Deer...

2007-09-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

... ... ...
Been up and down the whole day...
but... this song somewhat sends me a bit calmness...

As the deer panteth for the water,
So my soul longeth after you.
You alone are my heart’s desire
And I long to worship you.

You alone are my strength, my shield.
To you alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my heart’s desire
And I long to worship you.

You're my friend, and You are my brother
Even though You are a King.
and I love You more than any other
So much more than anything.
... ... ...
Psalm 42:1"As the hart panteth after the water brooks,so panteth my soul after thee, O God."

Departed... ??

2007-09-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

It's been prob more than 2 months...
No activities with CLC for that long...
Really felt departed...
with Him even...

Went to Encounter tonight..
Wow... just amazing and awsome...
it was joy i felt...
it was peace i felt...
it was definitely His presence I felt...

...

Seeing all the friends was great...
As so many have said....
"It's been way too long~!!"
It was so heart-warming to find out that I was missed..
that so many have asked where I was...
so many that have realised that I was not around...

mmm... just wanna let all you guys know...
"I miss you all too~!!!"

Friends are God's way of taking care of us.

DeJa Vu...

2007-09-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

DeJa Vu...
What does it mean?
I mean... why do we have deja vu?

I used to think deja vu's happen when you forgot what you have dreamt and suddenly your dreams become reality...
It is then you felt whatever is happening has happened somewhere some time before...
This is what I really believe...
until I heard someone see it rather differently...

"Deja Vu shows signs that your life is on the right track.." he said...

I thought about it...
Wow... very interesting...
Can it really be??
Our life has always been in God's book..
Then.... can deja vu be signs from Him that we are on the right track...
I really don't know..
Calm and peace have always been what I felt when I feel that I am living my life in a way He wants me to..

FM experience.. deja vu...
This does give me some peace...
y?.. u may ask...
For me, it just means that the attack was meant to be...
and wounds will be healed..
something good would come out of it...
As God will always place us at the best position there can be...
it would only be by our choice that would change this position..
but... if heart opens to Him...
He will guide us back to the best position again...

The past cannot be changed
but the future is still in your power.

Attack... at the speed of lightning

2007-09-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

Terrible things happened...
Too much to say and yet not much to say...
The attack happened too quickly...
Absolutely no warning signs....
Did I really dodged the bullet or not?

I think I have dodged half and took the other half...
Feel lucky? prob so... but still cannot under-estimate the impact of half...
At least the head is ok.... though heart is crushed...
(picture came into mind... road kills... knocked dead... and further crushed to the ground, as if run over by a big heavy truck with 3 sets of tyres... )
Field Medic arrived... checked the wound...
Then gently places band-aids over... bleeding reduced...
Trying to get up... triggered more bleeding...
FM again gently changed the band-aids...
"It hurts" I said, tears running like an open tap...
"Sorry, band-aids' all I have... no anaesthetic..." he said, looking ever so caringly...
Over and over again... he gently repeat this process...
Thankful... Very thankful...
Thank FM for being there... Thank God for FM...

Just a bit more than 24 hours have gone by since attack....
Wound still there... struggling to close...
but definitely trying...
Have got up and walk again...
Once again thankful to FM and definitely thankful to Him from the above...

FM - Thank you for stopping the possibility of heart turning even the slightest ugly...
God - Thank you for stopping my heart from turning ugly thru FM...

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet
when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly

Just very thankful~!!!

(FM experience - dejievu~!!!! o_O" - poss next post)

First Post... Not quite..

2007-09-11T16:03:00.000-07:00

mmm... y first post but not quite, you may ask...

I did start blogging in MySpace... but work now blocks all MSN links..
so... here we are... a new place to talk trash (~!?)...

I realised that I usually like writing a lot when I am both up and down..
When I am in the mood, I can write all day and nite..
On all things...
I always bring with me the 'book-book' (as one has called it)..
and I will write wherever I am on whatever I feel like writing...
or even just to note down the thots I may have~!
Amazingly, sometimes when I read back on the things I wrote..
some of the things would be like... "I told you so...."
o_O" ... God has been communicating with me...
He has always been there... looking over me...
Well... at least that's how I felt...

Anyhow... here is where I am now penning my thots, laughters, tears... and all others.
"Living a life Through Him, With Him, In Him"

Welcome to my world~!!